Daughters just know….

They always say moms know. So do daughters.

Growing up, my mom and I were each others parents. My mom was a free spirit. She was the type of woman to say “I’m going to open an Art Gallery”, then 6 months later, the Gallery opens, or “I think we should spend the summer driving across country”, then buy a minivan, go to AAA for a map, and find all the KOA’s where we could stay along the way.

I always felt protective of her, like I was born to watch over her. We are both free-spirited, but I was always a bit more grounded and responsible than she was.

One would have been able to label me a “latchkey kid”, because I was raised by a single mother in the 80’s and 90’s. My mom was a single mom before single moms had the support networks they have now. She not only taught full time, but she also directed plays and was often gone nights. I would go sometimes, but as I got older I started opting out and enjoyed my personal time. I am an only child, and have always been pretty self sufficient.

My mom and I were extremely close. I could sense when she was frustrated or sad, happy or content. She lived by her own standards and was a fearless woman.

I knew in 2015, when she turned 80, that assisted living was not far off. In 2017, when we moved her into assisted living, I knew our time left together was limited. In February of this year, it was evident that she was fighting a losing battle. She was a “fall risk”, and her falls became more and more frequent. Heart and kidney issues didn’t help. She was unable to have control over her body, something she never thought would be an ongoing issue. She thought she would heal and be able to return to life as normal. I told her that every time she fell, a small piece of her was gone. Turned out that I was right.

When we elected to start hospice care, I thought, foolishly, I’d have more time. I thought I’d have at least 6 months. We planned on visiting her for Mothers Day and spending some time together, prepared to know it may be the last.

Less than 2 months after we started hospice, she left this world and her body, which failed her so many times.

She passed away on April 10.

Turned out, I didn’t actually know anything.